›› 1313: Giant Killer Bees!
a film by David DeCoteau.
2010 | 80 mins | US.
starring: Derek North / Redwood, Jillian Nelson / Anna, Tanner Novlan / Connor, Darren Thomas / Lewis, Alberto Frezza / Randy, Adam Phebus / Charlie, Carey James / Steve, Jarrid Balis / Paul and with Raine Parsons-Wright as Professor Bensington.
dedicated: To the memory of Harry Alan Towers.
Official Synopsis: "As chaos and death swirl all around him, Professor Bensington laments his role in the end of the world and reveals to us what caused the horror: his research assistant, a young college student named Redwood who travelled to San Marino to oversee the Professor's honey bee experiments, only to inadvertently unleash a global biological disaster in the form of giant, zombie, killer bees."
Given the prolific cinematic output of filmmaker David DeCoteau, I thought it was about time to take a closer look at one of the titles produced as part of his 1313 horror franchise. And here I dare say that followers of DeCoteau's work will know what to expect, given it's no surprise to learn that we're dealing with B-grade acting at best, a plot that's more akin to an outline, let alone a feature whose running time has more padding to it than a wonderbra and cue location repetitions, let alone shower sequences so long they would drain the local reservoir.
Boxer short B-grade horror, in 1313: Giant Killer Bees!
Still and to his credit DeCoteau makes fine use of the lush location of Puerto Rico, with enough picture postcard views of the island to set up a tourist shop, let alone extend the duration of the movie courtesy of prolonged walks of the "taking the scenic route" variety. Yet as a horror film, even one whose tongue is planted firmly in its cheek, it fails to make the grade, being as scary as a children's pantomime, whilst paradoxically the so-called homoerotic "self-touching" aspect of the film is repetitious and well - just plain boring, even if the men are anything but. And that's a shame, given DeCoteau has produced better, with other works of the like of The Pit and the Pendulum having far sharper scripts and some genuine horror elements woven into their cinematic fabric.
Yet and just like a Jason Statham film, you know what to expect and sure enough DeCoteau delivers on his trademark theme of hunks stripped down to their ever tight-fitting trunks, even if he's the biggest tease of the lot, with the camera never heading south; penile fashion. Then again, this is not gay porn and frankly it's not even gay at that, (the sole kiss is hetero), being strictly B-grade horror and then some. Only and in DeCoteau's defence, that's what it was always intended to be. For whilst it goes without saying that the killer swarm genre has been done a lot better, DeCoteau is probably the only director who has replaced screaming girls with a bevy of buffed to perfection cuties fleeing for their very lives, pretty boy faces that along with the set will be more than familiar to devotees of the 1313 franchise. Indeed and in spite of all of the negatives of the piece, cue the exterior of the building brazenly not matching its interior design, DeCoteau has his fans and of those, there's a lot. And you know I can see why; after all, who doesn't like boxer short beefcake?
Gay Visibility - boxer short beefcake.
Nudity - from the waist up.
Overall - file under ... 1 star.